Here’s where I tell you all about me so that you don’t have to read all of the entries I’ve been making since the year two thousand and five.

I’ll do that eventually.

Right now, I’m busy doing something else, so I’ll tell you a joke.

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because vampires have Halloweenies.

UPDATED

This website has been a few things over the years.  It started out as just a placeholder for my email, because I reckoned that my name was the easiest thing to remember for emailing.  Then my father-in-law started sending mail to the address “juddexley.com” with no “@” or “judd@” in front of it.

Go figure.

When I moved from Colorado to Perth, Western Australia, I caught a fair bit of shit for “ditching it all and leaving folks behind”.

“FINE,” reckoned I, “I’ll update my website weekly with pictures and stories of the haps here.  I’ll put the kids in a bubble bath and talk about how they did something uber-cute and it’ll melt and cure hearts from thousands of miles away.”

Then I realised that hardly anybody was visiting.  I noted that the top folks (that I knew of) coming here were my mom and Gramma Genie (not really one of my grandmothers, but eleventy billion times closer to me than them).

So I started writing entries that were tailored pretty much to them.  The stories got cuter, the language got less bad-languagey, and the me got less real.

I had another blog, the one that started my whole blogging journey and changed my life, The JuddHole.  That was where I said things like, “Fuckleberries” and “shitfingers!”  I was one funny sumbitch.  But then my life got upheaved, what with the whole getting married, moving across the world, becoming a dad and all that, and my blog wasn’t as funny any more.

I mean shit man, it’s not like I was getting paid to do it.

I should’ve been, I mean, it might have helped with my commitment to it, because I lost a few hundred readers.  I was wicked popular, and now not so much.

Didn’t matter, really, I was still jammin’ along with being me and that place turned into a spot where I wanted to be all me.  I would swear a little, I would hide some posts where I talked about REALLY personal shit, and I would still post pics of kids and say funny things.  SORTED.

This blog, because I figured I shouldn’t have more than one funny and awesome ME blog, was going to be Judd The Author.  I’ve written a book, I was about to e-publish it, and I was making all these writery friends.  I wanted my website to be a bit more… polished.

At least, I reckoned I would sell more books if this wasn’t a place where I talked about kids and poo and peeing standing up.

When will I learn?

I’m back to whatever it is that I am.  To be honest, I’m too hapless, hopeless and helpless to be anything other than me.  This life of mine takes a lot of energy, and if I spend time trying to be somebody else, to say things the way somebody else would, to react to things the way somebody else would, then I’m pretty fucking worn out by the end of the day.

And my days never allow for me to be worn out, so there you go.

Just me, all the time.

I am fucking relieved.