Office Joes

When Wifeage told me that she wanted me to have BOTH Billy Bookcases from Ikea, I hadn’t really imagined it possible that I’d fill them, fill the others, and still run out of room, but I did.

After giving away all of my O-rings when I was a peer-pressured teen (Joes were definitely NOT cool) I got a hair up my ass and started collecting again a few years ago when I happened upon a gumtree ad where the guy was selling his childhood Joes collection for $50. I got some real deals in there AND I got to recapture that part of my childhood again.

Then I found a Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes on eBay for about $10 and I got ’em, thinking that I’d fully finished recapturing my childhood.

“Boy,” thought I, “these sure are shiny and in good nick for being so old…”

Yep, they were just later versions, repaints basically. I checked around online and found that there were (at this point) 45 versions of Snake Eyes. FORTY FIVE. Goddam.

I got a few here and there and then saw the racks of newest and awesomest Joes at Coles (our local supermarket giant) for $10 each. They were clearance marked and we were broke, so no go. Then they went down to $5 and in a fit of spontaneity I ram-raided the racks with my shopping trolley and got the last 5. Then I won a crazycheap auction from Sydney for $26 (inc shipping) for about 6 figures (and I only had one of them, the shithouse Snake Eyes).

So I set up a shelf, a plank really, on the wall and started displaying my Joes on it. Then it got too small. Then the desktop got too small. Then the bookshelf got too small.

Now, my office is too small. But that’s how it rolls, I suppose.

I’m proud to say that because of my tough bargaining skills *cough tightass cough* and my shrewd budgeting talents *cough brokeass cough* that I’ve never paid more than $10 for any single figure. Most of the time, that includes shipping too. Of course, I usually get pretty good deals on eBay in the US and have them sent to mum’s house, then she pays the shipping to get them over here with presents for my kids, but still. I’m rather proud of my miserlyness.

My collection is basically:

  • O-ring – A smattering of my favourites, mostly incomplete, with a few vehicles (also incomplete) and a WHALE. Until I get more space though, they’re likely to go into storage for now.
  • 25th – Nearly every version of Destro and Baroness, a few Cobra Commanders and most of the other major players for Cobra and the Joes. Plus, a few army buiders like troopers and Crimson Guardsmen. These are mostly set up on True Heroes/G.I. No vehicles that I’ve customised making for some cool battle scenes.
  • Rise of Cobra – I’ve got nearly EVERYTHING that was released, and I’m stoked. There’ll be a few stragglers here and there but I’ve got nearly everybody now, with every vehicle, and I’m setting up one shelf per awesome scene in the movie (plus a few that weren’t).
  • Renegades – I’ve got nearly every figure except that I can’t figure out if guys like Lifeline and the Techno-Viper were in there or not. The logo is similar on their packaging but sites like don’t seem to consider them a part of it.
    Which would rock, really, because that’d mean I’ve got ’em all!
  • Resolute – I had nothing of this one save a Firefly that I got because he’s fkn COOL and because I have nearly every Firefly (‘cept v14) and the Stormy and Snake Eyes, of course.
    Then a client sent me the Duke, CC, Troopers, BAT box-set, and now I’m trying to get as many of this run as I can. It’s nice when they’re smaller like this, because I can work my way up to a complete run.
  • Pursuit of Cobra – I only started getting these because of the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadows, but holy shitfinger the rest of ’em are fkn COOOOOOOOL. Low-Light was a piece de resistance, the Zartan is frickin’ awesome and the Beachhead and Alley Viper both rock my socks nearly offa my feet.
  • Retaliation – To be honest, I got the SS and SE’s, of course, and the Zartan and Beachhead were in a lot that I bought for the SE a a Renegades Law & Order, but otherwise this isn’t the stuff I’d normally buy. For starters, it’s too expensive. Buying off the rack will run over my $10 limit and most of the toys aren’t worth that. I’ve overloaded on the Red Ninjas, because they’re fucking awesome, and have picked up a Roadblock and Flint here and there for $4 a piece. Otherwise, I reckon this toyline is crapola.

Shelves along the wall – All the Storm Shadows and Snake Eyes.

Yep, ALL of ’em. Well, they’re not all up there, some are in the displays on the other shelves and whatnot, but whenever I can get my hands on a dupe, I put them up there so that they all look good standing next to each other.

The only possible one I’m missing is the POC Arctic Snake Eyes, but it was cancelled so technically wasn’t ever an available figure. They go for $200 on eBay too, so I’m just going to get the Desert Chase Pursuit of Cobra Snake Eyes and paint some blue on him. SORTED.

That’s two Ikea Billy Bookshelves and four Reject Dot shelves, 3×3 high and 1×4 high.

The brown Billy shelf has a Rise of Cobra Desert Battle on top, then the City Strike beneath, then the Arctic Assault, then the Underwater Fight on the bottom.

My Tomahawk (Eaglehawk) will have my 7-pack Slaughter’s Marauders in it eventually (when I get time to put them in it), the PIT has everything ROC in/on it except for a couple of Dune Buggy, AWE-Striker-style, vehicles that I customised with paint and gear.

Then the bookshelves will have the scenes from Paris Pursuit, Jungle Attack, Attack on the Pit, and then miscellaneous POC custom vehicles and O-rings. When I can find vehicles (Harleys mostly) for my 7-pack Dreadnoks, they’ll go in there somewhere.

My ME/25th stuff, with a Moray turned Modern and other G.I. No vehicles customised for ’em. The bottom shelf is Renegades, Resolute and Pursuit of Cobra figures only.

This shelf has the top dedicated to ROC and connecting to the Pit Mobile Headquarters. The top box will be the Rescue Mission from Rise of Cobra, then a Ninja Dojo with mostly Retaliation ninjas and customs, then below that a 25th (pre-renegades) ninja dojo scene, both with as many Red Ninjas that I can get my hands on. The bottom will be Retaliation and ROC extras, like the Dr Rex Whitecoat Variant and such.

All my beautiful Snakes and Stormys. Someday I’ll have enough extras to pose the ME ones in my “scenes” and have one up on the shelf for display. I’ll have better shelves too. And a pony.

Quiet weekend with toys

All 3 older kids were away last weekend.  Yes, with this family and where they go (Jade to Nanny & Poppy’s, Damon and Georgia with Steve to Grandie and Grandad’s) there’s always fallout.  Sometimes it lasts for days.  And sometimes you have to wear that just to get a day where there’s peace.

Worth it.  Not hugely, but still.  Wifeage and I actually completed a conversation on Saturday.  Hell, we did it TWICE, and they lasted longer than 8 seconds too!  Sometimes, you just need that.

So I sat with my Steel Badger tank, that I’d recently painted in all black with grey tones, and repainted it.  The Freedom Chopper (or hatever the hell Seebs keeps calling it) had been painted up with black covering the wads of silly that Chap Mei puts on things, so it only seemed fitting that I’d give the tank to the Cobras.

Here’s the Seebs Freedom Chopper:


I not only painted over everything that was white, bright or that weirdass pinkish maroon, but I cut out the doors on one side, glued on some pushpins (and melted a hole for the pin) and made hinges for the dropout door.  It’s not perfect, in fact the Dremel left it quite rough around the edges and I still need to clean that up a bit, but I LOVE that I can reach all inside the thing now without going up its ass.

Speaking of which, here’s the back hatch:


That’s Duke and Stalker with their JUMP packs on, ready to prove Mythbusters wrong.

I’ve got Wild Bill and Hawk piloting it (though I don’t know if Hawk is a pilot or not, he had a helmet and this page has all of the 25th anniversary Joes that I have really, purchased in two amazing eBay wins for about $30 w/shipping).

Here’s the pilots:


And I’ve got my ninjas hanging out the door.  Of course, this is the Storm Shadow that’s turned Good Guy and he and his buddy Snake Eyes are ready to jump out and pop a can of ninjawhoopass.

The Joes in the helicopter are ready to, well, really for it to land so they can jump out and kick a whole bunch of ass.  I’ve got Mainframe (Dataframe?), Beachhead (really, why eleventy three versions in 2 years?  Killin’ me here…), Roadblock (the one that came with vines instead of his signature .50 cal, WTFMATE, but thank you Marauder’s Gun Runners) and Flint.

Now, ideally the helicopter would be fighting these guys:


That’s the Cobra-coloured Steel Badger.  I have yet to get some Cobra stickers, but the boys on have a few suggestions and I reckon I’ll be all over that when things are a bit more settled down.

So, in the FANG, I’ve got a Cobra Trooper (or Cobra Officer, I don’t remember, but I’ve got a version of each).  The Badger’s carrying a couple of Cobra Troopers (etc) in the front hatches (that I had to Dremel out) and Destro is swinging his Highlander Cutlass in a menacing way while driving.  Firefly is perched behind him because he’s going to scurry off and plant something boomy somewhere secret.  Cobra Commander is behind him, but riding bitch in a troop transport isn’t his style, so I reckon it’s an imposter (or decoy) and I’ll put the “real” CC in some other cool, egotistical, vehicle when I get my hands on one.  Next to him is Major Bludd, and then Mercenary Wraith.  Maybe it’s not their style, riding in the back of a Shoot Ute, but maybe it was some sort of rescue, I dunno, but until I can get some cooler vehicles for them and armybuild (love that it’s a verb) with some troopers, this is the goods.

Copperhead is manning the other gun in the back, with Flint ditching his disguise and about to take shit over.  Since there’s already a Flint in the helicopter, these two won’t work together because I’m a  bit OCD about that shit.  But, it works for now and I likes.

Oh, I had to Dremel off the back panels so figures could stand back there and I finally found a use for those Friggin’ Spring-Loaded Nightmares from the Rise of Cobra toys.  I cut the handles down and fit them in the pegholes at the back of the Badger, and I drilled holes in the sides of it and glued one on either side before painting them red.  All up, I’m pretty pleased, for one of my earliest efforts at least.  Once I get stickers on, and hopefully a few more vehicles, I’ll be able to fit these nicely in the shelves.


But wait, there’s more!  WIfeage and I went op-shopping Saturday arvo, and I found a 95% complete set of Technic lego stuff.  Well, technically, two of them.  And I’m SO GLAD that I bought both, because they were clearly from the same guy and one had WAY more pieces than the other, though they were supposed to be on their own.  These things run $80 new at Toys R’ Us, $50 on eBay at least, and I got both for $10.

Haven’t taken pics, but that’s why this apptop is so frickin’ awesome.  Ready?




Now naturally I couldn’t just give these to Damon, my 11-yo, and expect him to make magic happen whilst Not Knowing if there’s all the pieces there.  I had to play with… *ahem* Quality Control, each set.  There are, in fact, pieces missing, but they’re pretty basic and we should be able to find replacements pretty easily.  Except for a big wheel, I’m not sure about that.

But really, I need to shop for more Lego Technic sets?  OH NOES!

All up, it was great to have a quiet weekend with wife and toddler, play with a shitload of toys, and hide from the inclement weather that pounded my swordnerd friends who were Medievalling up in York this past weekend.

Happily embracing my nerdhood.  Feels good.

Snake Eyes – Collection

I’ve got a secret, something that I haven’t even told my wife. Something I haven’t ever told anybody.

Snake Eyes is my first love.

Sure, the whole thing started with Breaker, a gift from my mom during a weekend visit with her, and it quickly evolved into Grunt and Flash and Zap. But when it got to Snake Eyes… all bets were off. This guy was so fucking cool that I pretty much knew there would never be another like him. Ever.

So, a couple of years ago when I decided that I wanted some of my childhood Joes back in my life and I fired up eBay to run a quick search, I only entered “Snake Eyes”. ‘Course, just like Forrest and Jennayuh, you can’t have Snake Eyes without Storm Shadow. I saw one auction about to end that had both figures in it, bid, and just like that I was back on the collecting ride. What a friggin’ awesome ride too.

My Snake Eyes collection isn’t quite as complete as my Storm Shadow collection, but it’s getting there. With the help of guys off the forums and eBay and just random folks, I’m getting there.

Snake Eyes versions 2, 3, 4, 5

Snake Eyes (v1) 1982 – My first love needs to come back to me. COME BAAAAAAACK… Sure, I can pay $30 for one off eBay, but I’m kind of not going to do that.

Snake Eyes (v1.5) 1983 – See above. Sure, the kung-fu grip made me 25% cooler, this one is still too fkn expensive for this poor guy *points thumbs at self*

Snake Eyes (v2) 1985 – Backpack only. Got the sword off Marauder’s. The versions may come and go over the years, but holy shitburgers was this one hard to top. Throughout my youth, throughout my adolescence, this one was my favourite. Even when his head got so loose I was shoving sawdust down the back to keep him upright, I fkn LOVED this one.

Snake Eyes (v3) 1989 – Now THIS… this was some fine, fine Snake Eyes. The weapons, the silver trim that says, “I don’t really give a shit if you see me or not!”, and the coolass Night Vision thingo that kept popping off. Well, okay, that part wasn’t as cool, and without it, he’s got a stupidly thin Vicehead that doesn’t match his body. Can’t win ’em all.

Snake Eyes (v4) 1991 – This one I only discovered while trying to complete this collection, but I really, really dug it the first time I saw it. There’s just something about the Civil War throwback legs and the moulded mask instead of skintight fabric. Plus, with the old O-ring design, he just looks blocky and buff. Still can’t friggin’ believe they thought it would be a good idea to give him gayass orange weapons though. WTFMATE.

Snake Eyes (v5) 1993 – Speaking of WTF, this one. I mean really. He’s here for the collection, but I simply can’t imagine being a kid who got to play with version 2 and 3 and then seeing this blob of shit on a shelf at the toy store. I would’ve felt friggin’ betrayed. He comes with a million weapons and some Gaynadian friends in the Ninja Force, but both of those are an embarrassment too.

Snake Eyes versions 6, 9, 10, 12, 13

Snake-Eyes (v6) 1994 – OMFG. As if, somehow, the NF Gaynadian version couldn’t have gotten worse, somehow somebody at Hasbro pushed the limits and made him see-through. I know there’s like, a Sunlight Effect, or hot water or some other bullshit, but I can’t imagine in 3 lifetimes that it’s worth the ridiculousness.

Snake-Eyes (v7) 1997 – I NEED THIS ONE AND HAVE NEVER SEEN IT ANYWHERE. help.  [UPDATE: Just missed out on TWO auctions for this one.  Never seen it in 2.5 years of ebaying, then 2 at once!]

Snake Eyes (v8) 1997I NEED THIS ONE!! (I’m bidding on one now) I’ve seen this one on eebs a few times, and have been bid-sniped every time. I can’t spend $14 on this guy (or at least justify doing so) so I keep missing out. [UPDATE: Won a 99 cent auction with this one and v16 and v20, AWESOME]

Snake-Eyes (v9) 2000 – A nice throwback to a very cool version. He didn’t come with the Night Vision though, which sort of wrecks it, head-wise. And though I like the blue colour scheme, the huge logo down his leg looks misplaced on a ninja commando. I mean, he’s not friggin’ Lance Armstrong here.

Snake Eyes (v10) 2002 – This one makes as much sense as the Storm Shadow one, in that they both look slightly retarded and there’s decreased articulation (which is a huge WTF). The best I can say is that at least they’re a matching set.

Snake Eyes (v11) 2002 – I just won this one on eebs and he’ll be in the picture soon. The same silliness as above, just with different colours. I HATE when they do that, a simple repaint and call it a new version, but to be honest, it makes my lineup look that much cooler because I don’t have to play with all these guys (thank goodness, because some of ’em suck) but I LOVE displaying a complete lineup (which I have yet to do).

Snake Eyes (v12) 2002 – Same treatment as the earlier version missing the Night Vision, only gold this time. See previous comments about displaying repaints, but not playing with them.

Snake Eyes (v13) 2002 – This one was a bit of a departure from their regular habit of taking a good figure and making him retarded. This one was actually cool. I only discovered him in the last 2 years, but I would’ve played with this guy, no question.

Snake Eyes versions 12, 13, 14, 17 Snake Eyes (v14) 2002 – A repaint of the previous, which is starting to really feel like cheating, Hasbro! Still a cool guy, still happy to have him in my lineup.

Snake Eyes (v15) 2003I NEED THIS ONE and have never seen one. There’s a guy off the forum that wants to sell me this guy and the Scarlett he came with, WHICH WOULD ROCK, but I haven’t heard from him in a while and I”m starting to worry. IF HE DOES email me back, and ship these things from Canadaland, then I’m friggin’ smiling. [UPDATE: He came through and I have them both now! YAY!]

Snake Eyes (v16) 2003 -I NEED THIS ONE!! Yet another repaint, but if you’re going to cheat like that then at least do it with the original. Simply the v15 with a blue body, the Kid Rhino DVD exclusive is VHTF and they’re on eBay for $40. Yowzers, have I mentioned how ridiculously broke I am? No? Shoosh, yes I have.

Snake Eyes (v17) 2004 – I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Valor VS Venom (VVV) can bit my ass. The whole Super Shoulder look is somehow an assault on my senses, but this guy came with some cool weapons, a cool Storm Shadow, and missed out on the Super Gaywad Action thing that they had. He’s alright.

Snake Eyes versions 18, 22, 23, 24 Snake Eyes (v18) 2004 – I only picked this one up a short time ago, but I love him. He’s a proper throwback, with a little bit ninja, a little bit rock n’ roll. Not sure why he’s labeled “arctic” since he’s got green pants, but I dig the fig.

Snake Eyes (v19) 2004 – I NEED THIS ONE. Haven’t been able to pick this one up (nor see it really) yet, though with the all-black VVV repaint and a hugely stupid left hand, he’ll go straight on the shelf.

Snake Eyes (v20) 2004I NEED THIS ONE. Yet another repaint of the original that I’ve only seen in one auction and didn’t have the scratch to bid $20 on. FARK.

Snake Eyes (v21) 2004 – A repaint of version 4, but desert styles. He’s alright, and I like that they’re not heavy on the ninja on this one, but something about it just doesn’t work for me. No sword maybe, not sure. Not one of my faves.

Snake Eyes (v22) 2005 – A repaint. AGAIN.

Snake Eyes (v23) 2005 – THIS. This one feels like they finally fkn got something right over there. Removable web gear. LOTS of weapons. Submachine guns, Snake Eyes style, sword, wolf. HELL YEAH HASBRO, you got this one Dead On. Love this guy, and ended up buying another one that was missing accessories so that I could complete just one of them’s stuff. Got one for $0.99, had to spring to $4 for the other. Would’ve paid way more.

Snake Eyes (v24) 2005 – Another VVV repaint that can bite my crank. But still, he’s happy here in the lineup.

Snake Eyes versions 27, 25, 24, 23 Snake Eyes (v25) 2005 – I originally bought this one years ago because I thought it was v1 and I was fresh back into collecting. This was before I knew that there are 653,917 versions of Snake Eyes.

Snake Eyes (v26) 2005 – JUST got this one the other day, with a lot from Hong Kong that scored me some assbite VVV figs for $10 and a ME Mutt. WORTH IT, even if I had to scrounge him some guns.

Snake Eyes (v27) 2005 – Another repaint of the v4 and Desert one earlier. Not terrible, better than the Desert one, but not as awesome as v4.

Snake Eyes CLASSIFIED, 29, 30, 31 CLASSIFIED (v1) 2006 – While not technically v27.5 or anything, he’s called “CLASSIFIED” this guy is Bad To The Ass. And just the other day I got the Lonzo to go with him. I’d already had the Tommy Arashikage, complete (with the silly ass Roadblock bufftastic chest) and now I have all 3. Don’t have his machine gun or backpack, but LOVE THIS GUY.

Snake Eyes (v28) 2007 – Ah, the first of the Modern Era. FINALLY got this guy in an auction that didn’t go over $10 (I’m not cheap, but I AM broke as a joke). This one is what started all the repaints later, which I’m even more bitter about than the earlier O-ring versions, but, once again, if you’re going to copy the original, do it a lot if it rocks. And it DOES.

Snake Eyes (v29) 2007 – Not quite a deliberate steal of v28, and very cool in his own right. Much like many of these, I got this guy by accident when I was just buying any $0.99 Snake Eyes I could get my hands on.

Snake Eyes (v30) 2008 – See? Cheating. Cool figure, no doubt, but different shades of black? Not even new paint? LAME.

Snake Eyes (v31) 2008 – They’re trying here, with the shiny goggles and the blue hue, but CHEATING.

Snake Eyes versions 32, 33, 34, 35 Snake Eyes (v32) 2008 – AWESOME. Straight from the comic, just about perfectly matching the “Battle Damage”. If you’re going to copy the mould, do things like THIS.

Snake Eyes (v33) 2008 – Love the green pants, makes him more soldiery, and about the only kind of repaint I’m hip on.

Snake Eyes (v34) 2008 – Orgasms. At this stage in our wanderings, that’s about the only thing better than this Snake Eyes. The sculpt is about perfect, with asskicker boots and frickin’ cool gauntlets. And OH THE WEAPONS! The Night Vision is badass too, if not a bit large. I’m not crazy about the hole left in his head, but still, if that’s the Only Thing wrong, then this version kicks major ass. One of my faves, if not The Fave.

Snake Eyes (v35) 2008 – VERY cool. If you’re going to do “arctic” and shit, THIS is how you do it. LOVE the “Kwinn” homage with the little monkey heads. Not sure if they’re monkeys, because monkeys in the arctic? But still. Excellent, excellent figure.

Snake Eyes versions 36, 37 Snake Eyes (v36) 2008 – K, I missed the cartoon on this one, but I’m guessing some sort of radiation is happening to make him glow like that. I really, really have to catch up on the Mass Device thingo, because this could look silly if I let it.

Snake Eyes (v37) 2008 – A bit of a throwback to v13 really, at least as far as silliness goes, but still a cool fig.

Snake Eyes versions 38, 39, 40 Snake Eyes (v38) 2008 – HELL YEAH. Getting this guy and the Hard Master together is totally flashback times, like the CLASSIFIED version. LOVE when they do that. If only there was a Soft Master, Blind Master and Storm Shadow that went along with it.

Snake Eyes (v39) 2009 – Geezo, if you’re going to do a repaint, then HELL YES do it of this guy. So. Frickin’. Cool.

Snake Eyes (v40) 2009 – Simple repaint of v37. CHEATING HASBRO.

Snake Eyes (v41) 2009 – I NEED THIS ONE. And can’t believe that I haven’t found one or two in my eBay wanderings. Why is this one so hard to find? He’s basically just a repaint of v29 and a leg swap too, but where v29 is all over eebs, this guy is VHTF.

Snake Eyes (v42) 2009 – I NEEDS! Same as the above, I need this one and can’t believe that I don’t see them around on the many, MANY, eBay searches I have done over the past few years. He’s just an all-black cheating redo of v30, but he’s actually ALL BLACK like a kiwi with a silver grenade on his webgear.

Snake Eyes versions 43, 44, 45, 46, 47 Snake Eyes (v43) 2009 – MOVIE TIME! The Rise of Cobra movie went to both ends of the spectrum, to the Silly, and to the Awesome. This one is friggin’ SILLY. Moulded abs and chest with baggy pants, not so sure, but lips… LIPS! NO. Just… no.

Snake Eyes (v44) 2009 – See… AWESOME. Other end of the spectrum. Sure, the coat limits a bit of movement, but this guy is friggin’ awesome, I don’t care how shit the movie was. I believe I have the Black Wolf variant, but I don’t remember if either was very rare.

Snake Eyes (v45) 2009 – Edging towards silly here with this one, but that’s mostly because they used the crappest head version that any of the Modern Era figs had.

Snake Eyes (v46) 2009 – This guy gets a bad rap on all the reviewer sites, but I think he’s friggin’ coooool. True to the movie version and with cool accessories. Sure, the parka limits things, but I grew up in the snow, and that’s totally how it is.

Snake Eyes (v47) 2009 – Oh Hell Yeah. Probably one of my absolute favourite versions, and tied for Fave of the movie ones. All-black, with some subtleties, this guy is simple and brilliant and AWESOME.

Snake Eyes versions 48, custom, 51, 52, 53 Snake Eyes (v48) 2009 – City Strike was bad to the ass, no question. Better than v47 before him? Probably not, but still very, very cool and one of my favourites.

Snake Eyes (CUSTOM) 2009 – Since the POC (v54) came with two heads, I just popped one off of a Reactive Impact Armor Duke and put Snake on there. Working on a whole team of ROC Joes in that slick armour.

Snake Eyes (v49) 2009I NEED this one. But… okaaaaaaay, let’s take the shittest version from the movie and give him the “Brown pants” treatment. Better than that, lighten to grey the rippled abs and put him in the awesomest, weapons-fullest, dojo set of the movie line! Stupid Hasbro. [UPDATE: Got him cheap off eebs.]

Snake Eyes (v50) 2010 – I NEED THIS ONE. Personally, I’m usually quite bitter about kitbashed versions (where they just stick one SE’s arms on another’s body) but if you’re going to change up the awesome v44, do it with the ONLY good parts of v43.

Snake Eyes (v51) 2010 – Wait, so G.I. Joe: Resolute version is just City Strike with some mild repaint? WEAK, even if this guy is the awesomesauce.

Snake Eyes (v52) 2010 – Oh hell yeah. This is when we start moving into the Realm of Pure Awesome. Would LOVE to get the Arctic version (cancelled) version of this one, and sure his jacket is too big for the Desert, where the Pursuit of Cobra line tried to put him, but still, very, very cool figure and one of my favourites.

Snake Eyes (v53) 2010 – A great try, a reasonably cool figure, sort of Star Wars lookin’, but wait, hang on a second… TORNADO KICK?! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! Who in the Blue Yonder thought that would sell toys? This is some sort of social experiment, and I hope the results showed that this was Complete Crap.

Snake Eyes versions 54, 56, 57, 58, 62 Snake Eyes (v54) 2011 – BEST SNAKE EYES EVER. There, I said it. While everybody in the Known Universe may have already said it, I knew it as soon as I saw it that I Had To Have It. Thankfully, when I thought that, eebs was full of ’em and I picked one up for about $14 inc. shipping. WORTH IT. Has has 3 freakin’ swords people, and an extra head. Too many weapons? NEVER.

Snake Eyes (v55) 2011I NEED AND NEED SOME MORE. A bit of a throwback, maybe a bit lameyo, but my Temple Storm Shadow is Friggin’ RONERY and needs a friend. Again, if I could find one for under $20, I’d have him in a heartbeat, but too rich for my blood. [UPDATE: Got one for FREE from some amazingly generous soul on HissTank, though TJ doesn’t remember who it was!]

Snake Eyes (v56) 2011 – Renegades is just a City Strike repaint, but still a cool fig, especially since they gave him the cartoonised weapons. Renegades is “take it or leave it” for the most part, but I’m pleased they stuck with the style.

Snake Eyes (v57) 2012 – This one is of the style I was referring to, and while slightly over the top, I’m still glad I have it.

Snake Eyes (v58) 2012 – The first of the Retaliation figs, this guy is pretty cool, especially with the rockered ankle. Though I got the Single pack version with no web gear from Falls Off Truck Asian Guy, I got two of the other Retaliation SE’s and gave him some extra gear. Me likes.

Snake Eyes (v59) 2012I NEED IT. The Dollar General version is the same colour scheme as v4, which I lovered, though he’s a bit shouldery for me, I still want, Want, WANT. [UPDATE: Another awesome bloke on HissTank went to the DG store and bought me this one PLUS a Cobra Commander, and shipped ’em both to mum’s house. What an awesome human.]

Snake Eyes (v60) 2012 – I NEED, but do I even WANT???? Seriously, holy fucking retarded shit Hasblow, WTFMATE. Why on Dog’s Green Earth would you bother kitbashing some decent parts together, and then fucker it all up with limited articulation? WHY GO BACKWARDS!?!

Snake Eyes (v61) 2012 – SAME AS ABOVE. Got this one in another dollar auction, which I won for the Firefly, but I didn’t really WANT, know what I mean?

Snake Eyes (v62) 2012 – Sexy, and when sharing his stuff with his other Retaliation friend there, is pretty goddam awesome.

Snake Eyes (v64) 2013 – I NEED THIS ONE. Wait, what happened to v63?!? Weird. This guy is really just a bodybash of the other Retaliation SE’s, but he’s got the movie-accurate head. NICE. He’ll hopefully be showing up on eebs here and there. Think he’s called “Ninja Duel” or something that takes a reasonably accurate view as opposed to making Roadblock a ninja or some other shit.

Snake Eyes (v65) 2013 – I NEED THIS ONE. Though it’s really just v54 with the Jungle Attack Storm Shadow’s weirdass webgear. Why that colour?! WHY!?!

Storm Shadow

I recently attended the West Australian G.I. Joe Collector’s Fair the other day, and it was a hoot. If you remove the fact that it was in Tom Seeb’s shed on a sweltering hot day, and there were only 4 of us not counting small people, then it was history-making.

Seriously though, quite a lot of fun. Me and Jadeybug trekked up to the Northlands and brought some chicken for the barbie and beer and juice for the boys, as well as some much-needed parts and pieces for good ol’ Seebs.

I didn’t take pics, but Seeb’s shed is truly a Joe Shed. Top to bottom, wall to wall, Joes. O-ring Joes. With the mighty Flagg right in the middle. He’d moved not long ago, so we’d had quite a time setting up some of his stuff. Awesome.

At one point, I’d talked about how I’ve got nearly every Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes up on the shelves behind my desk. Jadin remarked that he’d really, really like to see that. So I got inspired and took a bunch of pics.

Here’s the Storm Shadows:

Storm Shadow (v1) 1984 – Missing a sword and bow. Got him for a song on eBay. Don’t remember how much, but stoopitcheap.

Storm Shadow (v2) 1988 – Complete, and still one of my favourite figures of all time. LOVED this one when I was a kid and I think I got it with a Big Lot that had heaps of cheap guys. Mostly good ones too, I think.

Storm Shadow (v3) 1992 – Complete, the Ninja Force guy. Call me a hater, but I still can’t wrap my head around “Ninja Force”. I mean, were they trying to sell more toys to gay Canadian kids or what? Gaynadians! Anyway, Ninja Force bites sac a bit, though this figure is quite cool. I still can’t figure out why they used most of the basic parts from the previous version, but gave his head less articulation. Dumb Hasbro, dumb.

I NEED VERSION 4! I’m bidding on one now though… he’s the one with the see-through Ninja Force. I’m not paying more than a few dollars for that one, sorry NF, you’re for gaynadians. UPDATE: I won him!! Got him and the NF slightly-overweight Snake Eyes See-Through Gaynadian.

Storm Shadow (v5) 1997 – Missing pretty much all his shit, but a really cool figure and if I can score one with all his stuff, I’ll give it to Version 1 and not tell anybody. Whoops…

Storm Shadow (v6) 2000 – Complete, and a repaint of the NF one earlier, except he comes with a Star Wars blaster on the side of his leg (moulded in, thank gutness).

Storm Shadow (v7) 2002 – Complete, some of his stuff might be in a box. Again, not sure why Hasbro randomly takes a great figure and starts making slightly retarded versions of him. Less articulation, oddly-shaped appendages. The best I can figure is that somebody, somewhere, thought it was a good idea, signed off on it, and put it into production. One can only hope that person is now on the proper medication.

Nope, don’t need Version 8. Won one on eebs a few days ago, he’ll be along soon. He’s just a repaint of the Retard Mould above, but it’s why they call it a “collection”.

Storm Shadow (v9) 2002 – Missing all the stuff, but it was mostly guns (no swords?) so I just gave him an extra. Yeah, the multi-packs sometimes confuse weapons and whatnot, but they called him “Storm Shadow” even though he’s friggin’ RED and had no swords. An AK-47? Really?

Storm Shadow (v10) 2002 – Complete, and probably my favourite of the Retard Moulds. No guns, and some decent paint.

Storm Shadow (v11) 2004 – Complete. A pretty badass figure, if I do say so myself, except that he’s got limited articulation because yet another KnobJob at Hasbro thought it’d be good for him to have a Kung-Fu action thingo when you squeeze his legs or some shit. He came in a DVD pack with Duke, who’s got some other lame action, and a Snake Eyes that was mercifully spared from such things. The Valor VS Venom line though, with the oversized shoulders, can bite my asscheek though. Seriously.

Storm Shadow (v12) 2004 – Missing his stuff, but I’ve found a few bits here and there that work. Yet another repaint of the NF gaynadian one, with a few sticks of dynamite in his leg mould. They clearly forgot he was Storm Shadow while making him. An UZI? Really?

Storm Shadow (v13) – Need this guy!  Though preferably with some cooler weapons than the 5-pack crap assortment of rifles it came with. UPDATE: No I don’t! I won him too on eebs in a lot of 6 other figures that included O-ring Baroness, Cobra Commander and other neat shit for $10 and free shipping to Oz

Storm Shadow (v14) 2004 – Complete, and pretty fkn cool, even with the VVV Shoulder problem.

Storm Shadow (v15) – I need, but think I’m winning one on eebs right now. He’s basically the same as v14 but a repaint with some different gear. UPDATE: I won! Been after this guy for 2 years and finally got him!

Storm Shadow (v16) – I’ve won and am waiting eleventy weeks for it to get to Australia. FKN LOVE THIS GUY because he’s a repaint of Version 2, but with camo. Camouflage Ninja, from one of my favourite versions. WIN. NO UPDATE: Just excited!

Storm Shadow (v17) 2005 – Complete, with some badass gear and that cool tabard. Sure, he’s a repaint and they clearly forgot how to do new figures for a few years there, but I like him in the collection.

Storm Shadow (v18) 2005 – Complete, and showing an incredibly lack of imagination. “Hey, we need another Storm Shadow! Who wants to redesign one?!” “OOH! Me! Me! I’ve got some crazywacky ideas on how I’m going to make his forearms and shins RED! I know, I know! I’m a MADMAN!”

Storm Shadow (v19) 2005 – Complete, I bought this one when I was first re-collecting because I thought he was Version 1 and in fkn fantastic shape. 20 years younger, he should be. The scabbard is stupidly big, but he’s cool.

Storm Shadow (v20) 2005 – Complete. This one intrigues me, because he keeps getting referenced as Ryu, so I don’t know if he was another, non-GI Joe character first, or what. But his mask isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, and though he’s got the VVV shoulders, he’s a cool fig and I love having him in the collection because he’s the “unmasked” version.

[We’re going Right to Left now…]

Tommy Arashikage (v1) 2006 – Complete. Speaking of unmasked, this is the shiz. For a true Storm Shadow collector, this is one of your grails. Took me forever to find him, and I paid what I NEVER pay, and went up to $10 for this guy ($11 for shipping). I was feeling rich at the time, and I still LOVE this guy. Though, they gave him Roadblock’s chest. WTFMATE. A slight, nimble ninja in Vietnam, and you make him bufftastically buff? It is at this point I weep that I never went to work for Hasbro.

Storm Shadow (v21) 2007 – Complete. Now we are Fkn Talkin’. The Modern Era. This sculpt gets the shit used out of it, but there’s a reason for that. IT’S FKN AWESOME. Use, re-use, repaint and fool me, Hasbro, it’s well worth it.

Storm Shadow (v22) 2007 – Complete, and AWGAWDAM this guy takes the paintjob of my favouritest guy in Version 2 and modernises it. It makes me cry a little when I get one of these in every big lot I buy ($16 for 23 guys last time) or keep seeing him for $0.99. I wish some of the suckier ones were so easy to find, because this guy is freakin’ artwork. They even changed the backpack so it’s a rope sash instead of a pirate buckle bandolier.

Storm Shadow (v23) 2007 – Complete. If they’re taking something off of the monkeyf*ck that was the VVV line, let it be the paint designs. This guy is freakin’ COOL and one of my favourites. Again, I see him everywhere and it makes me sad. Mine was 0.99 but everybody else should have to pay way more.

[Right to left…]

Storm Shadow (v24) 2008 – This one is just the earlier one, though in Blue, and freakin’ hard to find. Got him for $5 because he wasn’t complete and was missing all his gear. Could get his gear, could pay lots more. Guess which way I swing.

Storm Shadow (v25) 2008 – Complete. And another favourite here, because he came with a comic that has him and all his stuff in it. The giant bow is gay colours, but is an excellent weapon. The cloak is real cloth and made me fall in love with toys again.

Storm Shadow (v26) 2008 – Complete. This one’s a bit stiff for me, but has some pretty cool gear and is a bit of a departure from the standard.

Storm Shadow (v27) 2008 – Complete. This one’s called “Ninja Ku” and is in all black and is Bad to the Ass.

[Still right to left…]

Storm Shadow (v28) 2009 – Complete. A very cool, throwback to Feudal Japan, figure that I totally dig. He would fight against the Temple Guardian Snake Eyes if I COULD EVER FIND THAT ONE.

Storm Shadow (v29) 2009 – Complete. I got this one from Indonesia, so cheap, but is still good quality. LOVE this character for his colour and a bit more of a commando feel to him without just chucking a gun in there with him.

Storm Shadow (v30) 2009 – Complete. Though I think I borrowed some of his stuff from other guys. Easy to find, but hard to get complete. He’s just the standard sculpt with Gray Feet! But nunchcks, which is cool.

Storm Shadow (v31) 2009 – Complete. Yet another of the same sculpt. Easy to find, and very cool, but I’ve had enough of these guys thanks.

[Right to left… HEY, it’s MY shelf]

Which is good, because it’s MOVIE TIME! Rise of Cobra may have blown donkey to many folks, but I kinda liked it because I had really, really low expectations. The figures are awesome, and many disagree with me there, and they were the first time I ever collected anything that actually tried to look like the actors in the movie.

Storm Shadow (v32) 2009 – Complete. This guy is very easy to find and I’ve got about 5 because of the Big Lots that I but (for about $15 usually!). His leg’s articulation sucks because of that coat, but beyond that he is Frickin’ COOL.

Storm Shadow (v33) 2009 – Complete. The “unmasked” version is “Paris Pursuit” and I’ve only got one of these guys. He’ll perch on my Steel Crusher and fight Snake Eyes when my shelves are done.

Storm Shadow (v34A) 2009 – Complete. The “Arctic Assault” SS’s always confused me because he’s shirtless and would get cold. Then I remember he’s a ninja, and they like created the Universe or some shit. They don’t get cold. Hell, they tear their shirt off in the Arctic in front of their enemies and yell, “Wassup bitches! You COLD?!”

Anyway, I’ve got the variant for this one too! I NEVER get that lucky, but I bought a Big Lot (21 figs, 5 vehicles and a book for $10, Hells Yeah) and the one on the right has the Arashikage tattoo on his bicep instead of forearm. Little things, sure, but it’s a variant and I’ve got both and that’s the kind of thing you brag about.

Storm Shadow (v34B) 2009 – I didn’t really think it was that clever to just pop a new head on him and call it a new fig, but Hasbro did it, not me, and Seebs found this one for $2 Mint in Box at a Toy Fair. AWESOME. I own all the ROC SS’s now.

[Right to left…]

Storm Shadow (v35) 2009 – That $10 lot? Yeah, this guy was in there. I do NOT have the Arashikage Cycle that he came with. I mean, I do, but it’s the VVV version. And while it doesn’t have the Cher Shoulders that the figs do, I’d like another one just for the collection’s sake, even if it’s the exact same vehicle. This guy though, in his leathers and on a motorcycle I got for $3 at Toys R Us, is friggin’ coooooool.

Storm Shadow (v36) 2009 – Complete. For a dollar, this guy is my favourite SS from the line. Probably mostly because of the Urban Camo outfit, I’m a sucker for that, but also because his jacket gives him some movement. I got another one (because they’re a dollar) and took his jacket off and put him on a motorcycle like his friend there, only in grey. VERY COOL. Ninjas on crotch rockets = Something Chuck Norris would watch on TV. Before he round-house kicked it to change the channel and the kick was so hard that the television station actually could only broadcast porn from then on.

Storm Shadow (v37) 2009 – A repaint of the first ROC version and my Wifeage’s personal favourite. I dunno why, I really don’t, but she loves this one. He came with the Ninja Dojo and an equally Salvation Armily dressed Snake Eyes, and they came with an assload of cool ninja weapons. I don’t have those, just this guy. *SIGH*

[Right to oh YOU GET IT…]

Storm Shadow (v38) 2010 – Complete. Though he was just a backpack with swords, I think. A crappy one too, where the swords stick out all high. The problem with this guy, who is cool enough, is that I got him after the guy to his left, who is AWESOMEBURGER.

Storm Shadow (v39) 2010 – This guy is so badass that I had to change the only thing wrong with him, his legs. He had ROC legs, with the white tennis shoes and shit. Nuh-Unh. Now he’s got his friend’s legs (on the right) and is, in case you missed it, AWESOMEBURGER. If I could get the dirty sand effect on those legs, it’d be perfect. I also lost his chain-linked weapon. I got this guy off the Indonesian, fell-off-the-back-of-a-Hasbro-truck guy, and they never had a chain, just loose. So Wifeage craftily made one for me, which makes her awesomeburger as well, and then I put it in pants that had a hole in the pocket because I am a stupid, stupid man.

Storm Shadow (v40) 2011 – Complete. This guy harkens back to the VVV Kung-Fu kick bullshit. I mean… WHY? Tornado Kick? ARE YOU SHITTING ME? Comes with great weapons, and has sort of a cool paintjob, but still. He’s only here because he came in one of those lots ($10 one) and I needed him for the collection.

Storm Shadow (v41) 2011 – Complete. The Holy Grail. There are collector’s that have been known to sell their first-born for a Renegades Storm Shadow. He is, without a doubt, the finest example of what Hasbro can do. ‘Nuff said.

I got this one by trading the Jungle Attack Storm Shadow (more on him below) to a great guy on the forums. Paid for postage, that was it, and the guy threw in a Firefly that I needed.

Storm Shadow (UNRELEASED) 2011 – Okay, this guy is a curious one. I freakin’ LOVE the idea, of a Storm Shadow with the same glider thing that Snake Eyes came with, a couple of Uzis like the Pursuit of Cobra Snake Eyes came with, some claw arm thingies like the Shithouse Tornado Kick SS came with, and a bitchinbadass paintjob. He needs a shirt though.

So yeah, that $10 lot that I won? Had TWO OF THESE GUYS in it. They’re rare. Unreleased. Cancelled before they hit production. That means only the cool kids get them, and I HAD TWO. The lot the I won, I have no idea how lucky I got, but I’m starting to figure it out. The guys on the forums still don’t have anything to say about it other than “nice score man” because they’re burning with jealousy. Or just don’t care. Either way, I FKN WIN.

Storm Shadow (v42) – I need it! The Amazon Renegades version is sort of cartoony, but really frickin’ cool. Very similar to the other Renegades SS, he’s on my FKN WANT list.

Storm Shadow (v43) – I need it! The first in the Retaliation line, I want him because of the collection. I’ve already got the other version, and they’re not really that great a figure. You know how many dudes bag on me for the Rise of Cobra toy line? Claiming it’s shit and all? Yeah, I feel that way about Retaliation. I look at most of it and think, “Why didn’t you just use the COOL toys?” Meh.

Storm Shadow (v44) 2012 – Complete, but not here yet. Just won him on eBay, and though I paid WAY TOO MUCH, he’s got that gorgeous paintjob and I freakin’ love him. I can’t help it.

Storm Shadow (v45) 2012 – Complete. The Retaliation 3-pack SS is kind of hunkered over, like a hunchback. Not impressed, and since I didn’t know which one he was, I ended up with two from various auctions. Only a few bucks for each, so I’m not stressed, but this guy isn’t my fave.


Well, not totally complete, but I’ve not got EVERY STORM SHADOW from 2011 back. If I can pick up that Retaliation one with the white face and the sleeveless Renegades version (and maybe that cancelled version that VipersKingdom is selling on ebay) then I’ll be pretty much complete.

Probably my biggest collection milestone and I’m pretty fkn excited. When the figures come in and I can get them up on the shelves and displayed, I will then tell everyone that I know about it. Because I am THAT kind of nerd. Yay!