I’m still sick and I feel like ass.
I feel like Assy McAsserton.
I feel like something that Assy McAsserton just scraped off his shoe in disgust.
I tried to follow “doctor’s” orders, and get rest, but I had a hockey game. Despite the fact that we were soundly shellacked and I worked my ass off, there was still much beer to imbibed of afterward. Hey, I don’t make the rules…
I got “tagged” for this damn survey, so here it is.
I know, I know, I hate posting surveys… but, I’m a sucker for a beautiful woman.
Coulda been worse. It could’ve been my answers to some ridiculous sex survey, fortunately those were lost. Really, you don’t want to know my personal history with breaking a bone while having a threesome with a gerbil on a swing in the rain with golf clubs while my parents were watching.
1) JuddHole
2) SexiestMotherFuckerEver
3) HeyJackass
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD :
1) MeFuckYouNasty316
2) ReallyAmSixteenYearOldCheerleader
3) NotAFatHairyPervert
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF :
1) That I’m so Awesome.
2) That I’m so Humble.
3) That I’m so incredibly gassy in the mornings.
THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF :
1) When I scratch my balls on one side for too long, I wear a hole in my jeans.
2) That my balls itch so much… I mean, C’MON.
3) See Number 3 above.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU :
1) Pickles.
2) The fact that I’m scared of pickles.
3) The fact that you’re NOT scared of pickles.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS :
1) Beer.
2) Chewin’ Tobacky.
3) Farmer-blow-snot-rockets.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW :
1) Carhartt’s.
2) Steel-toe boots.
3) Genital Cuff.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment) :
1) Opie Gone Bad
2) The Clintons
3) Myself this Morning in the Shower (I fuckin’ rock).
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
1) That Girl. (The Clintons)
2) Can We Please Have Sex? (Opie Gone Bad)
3) Fat, Hairy and Soapy. (Myself in the Shower)
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS :
1) Skydiving Nekkid.
2) Surviving the next 1 month, 11 more times.
3) Sex.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP :
1) Sex.
2)
3)
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE :
1) I used to be a sperm donor.
2) My little brother was conceived from a batch of frozen baby batter.
3) It could’ve been mine (cue “Dueling Banjos”).
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU :
1) Possesses heartbeat.
2) Able to move air in to, and out of, their lungs.
3) Idea of having Sex with me doesn’t make her throw up in her mouth a little bit.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES :
1) Sex.
2) Sex with myself.
3) Bee-keeping.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION :
1) Next door (have you SEEN his TV?).
2) Across the street (have you SEEN his Hot Tub and Hot Wife?).
3) Sex.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW :
1) Scratch myself.
2) Sex.
3) Stop taking this survey.
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO :
1)
2)
3)
THREE KID’S NAMES :
1)
2)
3)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE :
1)
2)
3)
THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY :
1)
2)
3)
THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK :
1)
2)
3)
THREE CELEB CRUSHES :
1)
2)
3)
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW :
1)
2)
3)
That’s it, I’m spent.
I’m going to write something worth half a shit one a these days…
Til then, take some risks, and watch out for deer.