Stage 6 – Longing

Just in case you missed any. I know I added a bunch at once. There’s an order, hopefully you’ll figure it out. Hint: 1, then 2, then 3, and so on…

Stage 1 Stage 2 Stage 3 Stage 4 Stage 5 Stage 7

Stage 6 – Longing

Longing was one that I probably should have seen coming but I didn’t, and he completely blind-sided me. I guess I figured Longing my show up a while later, but he walked in and caught me vulnerably, in the shower.

I was laying in bed, hitting my snooze repeatedly while congratulating myself on playing like a fucking RockStar in my hockey game the night before. I was marveling at the fact that with the huge loss of most of my sensations recently, I was no longer getting hangovers despite how much I drank the night before. Bonus.

I didn’t realize how tired I was, though I’d been up since 4, and had hit my snooze somewhere around 17 times when I finally popped up and prepared myself for the idea that I still had a life with responsibilities in it that did not include drinking an entire liter bottle of Merlot.

I said a quiet, “fuck,” when I heard the shower already running. The Girl has class this morning, and I’ll have to wait, becoming later by the minute. My own damn fault, I didn’t worry about it, but I felt the Potential Awkwardness Level bump up from Yellow to Orange at the prospect that I can no longer just jump in there with her under the guise of “saving water honey.”

The water shut off and I gave the door a quiet knock, asking if I could jump in there after her. She gave a not-awkward-at-all, “Sure,” and I went in. The Potential Awkwardness Level jumped from Orange to Red when I realized that I was already naked, but quickly cooled back to Orange when I saw her stepping out of the tub fully wrapped in her towel.

I babbled something retarded about my game the night before, making brutally obvious attempts at small-talk while I fought those blasted shower curtain hooks (not her fault, they just piss me off). I was somehow deluding myself into believing that the Potential Awkwardness Level wasn’t an issue until I watched as she removed her towel and wrapped it around her head.

I’d seen her morning ritual countless times, and her naked body has never failed to make me lose my powers of speech, this time was no exception.

Longing walked into the steamy bathroom, leered at her nude body, and started in.

. . .

Dude, check her out. MAN, you were so busy with your own eating problems you haven’t even noticed the significant poundage she’s dropped.

“I noticed, just? please shut up. Don’t make this any harder for me than it has to be.”

HA! Harder? Dude, you haven’t had to worry about anything being ‘hard’ for a while now. You want ‘hard’ you should have a good look at what’s going on over here!

“She is looking really good. I thought her pants looked looser.”

Yeah, you should say something. She’s checkin’ you out too, dude, I’m sure of it!

“Um, no, she isn’t. Nice try, but her eyes haven’t wandered within 4 feet of me in weeks. Seriously, I just want to shower, and not make this any weirder than it has to be.”

It’s too late to drag her in here, you should make like your going for your shaving mirror and brush up against her.

“Augh. I know. I can’t. I want to. I can’t.”

What’s stopping you? You’ve done it plenty of times before, even if the spontaneity of it left back in August or so.

“I don’t want to make her any more uncomfortable living here than it has to be. I don’t want her thinking that I’m not going to miss her other than for the sex.”

You ARE going to miss her though. Now, just show her that with the sex. Look at her. Go to her. Put your mouth on her naked body just like you used to. You used to be able to push her buttons, do it again, just for old times sake.

“AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!”


“Judd? You alright in there?” she asks, concerned for my sanity.

“Yeah, yeah, just forgot to turn on the Hot water?”

“Good job.”

She dresses and leaves, while I gently bounce my forehead off the tile walls of the shower.

Longing is not even in the same league with Horny either, because Horny is always looking for just the end result while Longing just wanted a taste, a reminder, a reaffirmation of what he thought used to be. Longing just wanted to feel something like that again, before it’s gone forever.

I can’t blame him, I guess. It’s only natural. I just wish he wouldn’t wait until I’m stepping into the shower every morning to remind me that sex with someone I truly care about is probably many months, if not years, away and I better try and ‘get it’ while I can.

Longing doesn’t know this, but it’s not working. All it did was leave room for someone else to bop in, again when I least expected it.