Figleaf Shit

Hitler Lollies It’s 9:09 AM, I have Cheetos cheeseballs next to me right now, and I have the strongest urge to eat them with a toothpick and start counting cards. Wifeage left a very sweet note for me to find this morning, the kind that signs off with something epic like, “I love you to the moon and back… and back… and back…” and trails off into tiny lettering that you squint to read and finishes with “forever infinity!”  Piehead might be coughy, give both kids some Figleaf Shit. “Figleaf Shit” is a codename I devised for the 100% Pure and Unblended Olive Leaf Extract that Wifeage swears by.  The need for a codename came about because the children aren’t ready for me to bandy about names like, “Freshly-Squeezed Assjuice from Satan” or “Oh Holy Fuck Why Woman Why Do You Hate Me?” In comparison, not that bad. I give them Figleaf Shit, mixed in with their juice because I’m not a horrible and cruel man.  I offered up a lolly chaser, but oldest boy declined.  Then I did a… Read moreFigleaf Shit