I’ve got a secret, something that I haven’t even told my wife. Something I haven’t ever told anybody.
Snake Eyes is my first love.
Sure, the whole thing started with Breaker, a gift from my mom during a weekend visit with her, and it quickly evolved into Grunt and Flash and Zap. But when it got to Snake Eyes… all bets were off. This guy was so fucking cool that I pretty much knew there would never be another like him. Ever.
So, a couple of years ago when I decided that I wanted some of my childhood Joes back in my life and I fired up eBay to run a quick search, I only entered “Snake Eyes”. ‘Course, just like Forrest and Jennayuh, you can’t have Snake Eyes without Storm Shadow. I saw one auction about to end that had both figures in it, bid, and just like that I was back on the collecting ride. What a friggin’ awesome ride too.
My Snake Eyes collection isn’t quite as complete as my Storm Shadow collection, but it’s getting there. With the help of guys off the hisstank.com forums and eBay and just random folks, I’m getting there.
Snake Eyes (v1) 1982 – My first love needs to come back to me. COME BAAAAAAACK… Sure, I can pay $30 for one off eBay, but I’m kind of not going to do that.
Snake Eyes (v1.5) 1983 – See above. Sure, the kung-fu grip made me 25% cooler, this one is still too fkn expensive for this poor guy *points thumbs at self*
Snake Eyes (v2) 1985 – Backpack only. Got the sword off Marauder’s. The versions may come and go over the years, but holy shitburgers was this one hard to top. Throughout my youth, throughout my adolescence, this one was my favourite. Even when his head got so loose I was shoving sawdust down the back to keep him upright, I fkn LOVED this one.
Snake Eyes (v3) 1989 – Now THIS… this was some fine, fine Snake Eyes. The weapons, the silver trim that says, “I don’t really give a shit if you see me or not!”, and the coolass Night Vision thingo that kept popping off. Well, okay, that part wasn’t as cool, and without it, he’s got a stupidly thin Vicehead that doesn’t match his body. Can’t win ’em all.
Snake Eyes (v4) 1991 – This one I only discovered while trying to complete this collection, but I really, really dug it the first time I saw it. There’s just something about the Civil War throwback legs and the moulded mask instead of skintight fabric. Plus, with the old O-ring design, he just looks blocky and buff. Still can’t friggin’ believe they thought it would be a good idea to give him gayass orange weapons though. WTFMATE.
Snake Eyes (v5) 1993 – Speaking of WTF, this one. I mean really. He’s here for the collection, but I simply can’t imagine being a kid who got to play with version 2 and 3 and then seeing this blob of shit on a shelf at the toy store. I would’ve felt friggin’ betrayed. He comes with a million weapons and some Gaynadian friends in the Ninja Force, but both of those are an embarrassment too.
Snake-Eyes (v6) 1994 – OMFG. As if, somehow, the NF Gaynadian version couldn’t have gotten worse, somehow somebody at Hasbro pushed the limits and made him see-through. I know there’s like, a Sunlight Effect, or hot water or some other bullshit, but I can’t imagine in 3 lifetimes that it’s worth the ridiculousness.
Snake-Eyes (v7) 1997 – I NEED THIS ONE AND HAVE NEVER SEEN IT ANYWHERE. help. [UPDATE: Just missed out on TWO auctions for this one. Never seen it in 2.5 years of ebaying, then 2 at once!]
Snake Eyes (v8) 1997 – I NEED THIS ONE!! (I’m bidding on one now) I’ve seen this one on eebs a few times, and have been bid-sniped every time. I can’t spend $14 on this guy (or at least justify doing so) so I keep missing out. [UPDATE: Won a 99 cent auction with this one and v16 and v20, AWESOME]
Snake-Eyes (v9) 2000 – A nice throwback to a very cool version. He didn’t come with the Night Vision though, which sort of wrecks it, head-wise. And though I like the blue colour scheme, the huge logo down his leg looks misplaced on a ninja commando. I mean, he’s not friggin’ Lance Armstrong here.
Snake Eyes (v10) 2002 – This one makes as much sense as the Storm Shadow one, in that they both look slightly retarded and there’s decreased articulation (which is a huge WTF). The best I can say is that at least they’re a matching set.
Snake Eyes (v11) 2002 – I just won this one on eebs and he’ll be in the picture soon. The same silliness as above, just with different colours. I HATE when they do that, a simple repaint and call it a new version, but to be honest, it makes my lineup look that much cooler because I don’t have to play with all these guys (thank goodness, because some of ’em suck) but I LOVE displaying a complete lineup (which I have yet to do).
Snake Eyes (v12) 2002 – Same treatment as the earlier version missing the Night Vision, only gold this time. See previous comments about displaying repaints, but not playing with them.
Snake Eyes (v13) 2002 – This one was a bit of a departure from their regular habit of taking a good figure and making him retarded. This one was actually cool. I only discovered him in the last 2 years, but I would’ve played with this guy, no question.
Snake Eyes (v14) 2002 – A repaint of the previous, which is starting to really feel like cheating, Hasbro! Still a cool guy, still happy to have him in my lineup.
Snake Eyes (v15) 2003 – I NEED THIS ONE and have never seen one. There’s a guy off the hisstank.com forum that wants to sell me this guy and the Scarlett he came with, WHICH WOULD ROCK, but I haven’t heard from him in a while and I”m starting to worry. IF HE DOES email me back, and ship these things from Canadaland, then I’m friggin’ smiling. [UPDATE: He came through and I have them both now! YAY!]
Snake Eyes (v16) 2003 -I NEED THIS ONE!! Yet another repaint, but if you’re going to cheat like that then at least do it with the original. Simply the v15 with a blue body, the Kid Rhino DVD exclusive is VHTF and they’re on eBay for $40. Yowzers, have I mentioned how ridiculously broke I am? No? Shoosh, yes I have.
Snake Eyes (v17) 2004 – I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Valor VS Venom (VVV) can bit my ass. The whole Super Shoulder look is somehow an assault on my senses, but this guy came with some cool weapons, a cool Storm Shadow, and missed out on the Super Gaywad Action thing that they had. He’s alright.
Snake Eyes (v18) 2004 – I only picked this one up a short time ago, but I love him. He’s a proper throwback, with a little bit ninja, a little bit rock n’ roll. Not sure why he’s labeled “arctic” since he’s got green pants, but I dig the fig.
Snake Eyes (v19) 2004 – I NEED THIS ONE. Haven’t been able to pick this one up (nor see it really) yet, though with the all-black VVV repaint and a hugely stupid left hand, he’ll go straight on the shelf.
Snake Eyes (v20) 2004 – I NEED THIS ONE. Yet another repaint of the original that I’ve only seen in one auction and didn’t have the scratch to bid $20 on. FARK.
Snake Eyes (v21) 2004 – A repaint of version 4, but desert styles. He’s alright, and I like that they’re not heavy on the ninja on this one, but something about it just doesn’t work for me. No sword maybe, not sure. Not one of my faves.
Snake Eyes (v22) 2005 – A repaint. AGAIN.
Snake Eyes (v23) 2005 – THIS. This one feels like they finally fkn got something right over there. Removable web gear. LOTS of weapons. Submachine guns, Snake Eyes style, sword, wolf. HELL YEAH HASBRO, you got this one Dead On. Love this guy, and ended up buying another one that was missing accessories so that I could complete just one of them’s stuff. Got one for $0.99, had to spring to $4 for the other. Would’ve paid way more.
Snake Eyes (v24) 2005 – Another VVV repaint that can bite my crank. But still, he’s happy here in the lineup.
Snake Eyes (v25) 2005 – I originally bought this one years ago because I thought it was v1 and I was fresh back into collecting. This was before I knew that there are 653,917 versions of Snake Eyes.
Snake Eyes (v26) 2005 – JUST got this one the other day, with a lot from Hong Kong that scored me some assbite VVV figs for $10 and a ME Mutt. WORTH IT, even if I had to scrounge him some guns.
Snake Eyes (v27) 2005 – Another repaint of the v4 and Desert one earlier. Not terrible, better than the Desert one, but not as awesome as v4.
CLASSIFIED (v1) 2006 – While not technically v27.5 or anything, he’s called “CLASSIFIED” this guy is Bad To The Ass. And just the other day I got the Lonzo to go with him. I’d already had the Tommy Arashikage, complete (with the silly ass Roadblock bufftastic chest) and now I have all 3. Don’t have his machine gun or backpack, but LOVE THIS GUY.
Snake Eyes (v28) 2007 – Ah, the first of the Modern Era. FINALLY got this guy in an auction that didn’t go over $10 (I’m not cheap, but I AM broke as a joke). This one is what started all the repaints later, which I’m even more bitter about than the earlier O-ring versions, but, once again, if you’re going to copy the original, do it a lot if it rocks. And it DOES.
Snake Eyes (v29) 2007 – Not quite a deliberate steal of v28, and very cool in his own right. Much like many of these, I got this guy by accident when I was just buying any $0.99 Snake Eyes I could get my hands on.
Snake Eyes (v30) 2008 – See? Cheating. Cool figure, no doubt, but different shades of black? Not even new paint? LAME.
Snake Eyes (v31) 2008 – They’re trying here, with the shiny goggles and the blue hue, but CHEATING.
Snake Eyes (v32) 2008 – AWESOME. Straight from the comic, just about perfectly matching the “Battle Damage”. If you’re going to copy the mould, do things like THIS.
Snake Eyes (v33) 2008 – Love the green pants, makes him more soldiery, and about the only kind of repaint I’m hip on.
Snake Eyes (v34) 2008 – Orgasms. At this stage in our wanderings, that’s about the only thing better than this Snake Eyes. The sculpt is about perfect, with asskicker boots and frickin’ cool gauntlets. And OH THE WEAPONS! The Night Vision is badass too, if not a bit large. I’m not crazy about the hole left in his head, but still, if that’s the Only Thing wrong, then this version kicks major ass. One of my faves, if not The Fave.
Snake Eyes (v35) 2008 – VERY cool. If you’re going to do “arctic” and shit, THIS is how you do it. LOVE the “Kwinn” homage with the little monkey heads. Not sure if they’re monkeys, because monkeys in the arctic? But still. Excellent, excellent figure.
Snake Eyes (v36) 2008 – K, I missed the cartoon on this one, but I’m guessing some sort of radiation is happening to make him glow like that. I really, really have to catch up on the Mass Device thingo, because this could look silly if I let it.
Snake Eyes (v37) 2008 – A bit of a throwback to v13 really, at least as far as silliness goes, but still a cool fig.
Snake Eyes (v38) 2008 – HELL YEAH. Getting this guy and the Hard Master together is totally flashback times, like the CLASSIFIED version. LOVE when they do that. If only there was a Soft Master, Blind Master and Storm Shadow that went along with it.
Snake Eyes (v39) 2009 – Geezo, if you’re going to do a repaint, then HELL YES do it of this guy. So. Frickin’. Cool.
Snake Eyes (v40) 2009 – Simple repaint of v37. CHEATING HASBRO.
Snake Eyes (v41) 2009 – I NEED THIS ONE. And can’t believe that I haven’t found one or two in my eBay wanderings. Why is this one so hard to find? He’s basically just a repaint of v29 and a leg swap too, but where v29 is all over eebs, this guy is VHTF.
Snake Eyes (v42) 2009 – I NEEDS! Same as the above, I need this one and can’t believe that I don’t see them around on the many, MANY, eBay searches I have done over the past few years. He’s just an all-black cheating redo of v30, but he’s actually ALL BLACK like a kiwi with a silver grenade on his webgear.
Snake Eyes (v43) 2009 – MOVIE TIME! The Rise of Cobra movie went to both ends of the spectrum, to the Silly, and to the Awesome. This one is friggin’ SILLY. Moulded abs and chest with baggy pants, not so sure, but lips… LIPS! NO. Just… no.
Snake Eyes (v44) 2009 – See… AWESOME. Other end of the spectrum. Sure, the coat limits a bit of movement, but this guy is friggin’ awesome, I don’t care how shit the movie was. I believe I have the Black Wolf variant, but I don’t remember if either was very rare.
Snake Eyes (v45) 2009 – Edging towards silly here with this one, but that’s mostly because they used the crappest head version that any of the Modern Era figs had.
Snake Eyes (v46) 2009 – This guy gets a bad rap on all the reviewer sites, but I think he’s friggin’ coooool. True to the movie version and with cool accessories. Sure, the parka limits things, but I grew up in the snow, and that’s totally how it is.
Snake Eyes (v47) 2009 – Oh Hell Yeah. Probably one of my absolute favourite versions, and tied for Fave of the movie ones. All-black, with some subtleties, this guy is simple and brilliant and AWESOME.
Snake Eyes (v48) 2009 – City Strike was bad to the ass, no question. Better than v47 before him? Probably not, but still very, very cool and one of my favourites.
Snake Eyes (CUSTOM) 2009 – Since the POC (v54) came with two heads, I just popped one off of a Reactive Impact Armor Duke and put Snake on there. Working on a whole team of ROC Joes in that slick armour.
Snake Eyes (v49) 2009 – I NEED this one. But… okaaaaaaay, let’s take the shittest version from the movie and give him the “Brown pants” treatment. Better than that, lighten to grey the rippled abs and put him in the awesomest, weapons-fullest, dojo set of the movie line! Stupid Hasbro. [UPDATE: Got him cheap off eebs.]
Snake Eyes (v50) 2010 – I NEED THIS ONE. Personally, I’m usually quite bitter about kitbashed versions (where they just stick one SE’s arms on another’s body) but if you’re going to change up the awesome v44, do it with the ONLY good parts of v43.
Snake Eyes (v51) 2010 – Wait, so G.I. Joe: Resolute version is just City Strike with some mild repaint? WEAK, even if this guy is the awesomesauce.
Snake Eyes (v52) 2010 – Oh hell yeah. This is when we start moving into the Realm of Pure Awesome. Would LOVE to get the Arctic version (cancelled) version of this one, and sure his jacket is too big for the Desert, where the Pursuit of Cobra line tried to put him, but still, very, very cool figure and one of my favourites.
Snake Eyes (v53) 2010 – A great try, a reasonably cool figure, sort of Star Wars lookin’, but wait, hang on a second… TORNADO KICK?! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! Who in the Blue Yonder thought that would sell toys? This is some sort of social experiment, and I hope the results showed that this was Complete Crap.
Snake Eyes (v54) 2011 – BEST SNAKE EYES EVER. There, I said it. While everybody in the Known Universe may have already said it, I knew it as soon as I saw it that I Had To Have It. Thankfully, when I thought that, eebs was full of ’em and I picked one up for about $14 inc. shipping. WORTH IT. Has has 3 freakin’ swords people, and an extra head. Too many weapons? NEVER.
Snake Eyes (v55) 2011 – I NEED AND NEED SOME MORE. A bit of a throwback, maybe a bit lameyo, but my Temple Storm Shadow is Friggin’ RONERY and needs a friend. Again, if I could find one for under $20, I’d have him in a heartbeat, but too rich for my blood. [UPDATE: Got one for FREE from some amazingly generous soul on HissTank, though TJ doesn’t remember who it was!]
Snake Eyes (v56) 2011 – Renegades is just a City Strike repaint, but still a cool fig, especially since they gave him the cartoonised weapons. Renegades is “take it or leave it” for the most part, but I’m pleased they stuck with the style.
Snake Eyes (v57) 2012 – This one is of the style I was referring to, and while slightly over the top, I’m still glad I have it.
Snake Eyes (v58) 2012 – The first of the Retaliation figs, this guy is pretty cool, especially with the rockered ankle. Though I got the Single pack version with no web gear from Falls Off Truck Asian Guy, I got two of the other Retaliation SE’s and gave him some extra gear. Me likes.
Snake Eyes (v59) 2012 – I NEED IT. The Dollar General version is the same colour scheme as v4, which I lovered, though he’s a bit shouldery for me, I still want, Want, WANT. [UPDATE: Another awesome bloke on HissTank went to the DG store and bought me this one PLUS a Cobra Commander, and shipped ’em both to mum’s house. What an awesome human.]
Snake Eyes (v60) 2012 – I NEED, but do I even WANT???? Seriously, holy fucking retarded shit Hasblow, WTFMATE. Why on Dog’s Green Earth would you bother kitbashing some decent parts together, and then fucker it all up with limited articulation? WHY GO BACKWARDS!?!
Snake Eyes (v61) 2012 – SAME AS ABOVE. Got this one in another dollar auction, which I won for the Firefly, but I didn’t really WANT, know what I mean?
Snake Eyes (v62) 2012 – Sexy, and when sharing his stuff with his other Retaliation friend there, is pretty goddam awesome.
Snake Eyes (v64) 2013 – I NEED THIS ONE. Wait, what happened to v63?!? Weird. This guy is really just a bodybash of the other Retaliation SE’s, but he’s got the movie-accurate head. NICE. He’ll hopefully be showing up on eebs here and there. Think he’s called “Ninja Duel” or something that takes a reasonably accurate view as opposed to making Roadblock a ninja or some other shit.
Snake Eyes (v65) 2013 – I NEED THIS ONE. Though it’s really just v54 with the Jungle Attack Storm Shadow’s weirdass webgear. Why that colour?! WHY!?!