Stage 5 – Anger

Just in case you missed any. I know I added a bunch at once. There’s an order, hopefully you’ll figure it out. Hint: 1, then 2, then 3, and so on…

Stage 1 Stage 2 Stage 3 Stage 4 Stage 6

Stage 5 – Anger

For all the shit that they brought with them and threw in my face, the visitors that I’d received so far were fucking @lterboys compared to Anger.

This guy stormed up the front step, banged in through the front door, put his cigarette out on the arm of my couch, glared at me as he lit another, and demanded a beer.

Though my other visitors weren’t exactly my friends, I still turned to look for some support. Gone. They had disappeared like a cop had just shown up at their High School Kegger. I was left alone with Anger.

. . .

Dude, you didn’t want that bitch around anymore anyway.

“Look, I know why you’re here, and it’s natural. Let’s try and get through this without bashing anybody, okay?”

Shut the fuck up, you fuckin’ pussy! She’s a piece of shit, and you need to hear this.

“You’re talking about the woman that I was going to marry.”

(parroting me) ‘You’re talkin’ about the woman?’ Wake the fuck up. I’m talkin’ about the woman that couldn’t ever do anything that you asked of her. You dodged a fuckin’ bullet, pal.

“What could she not do that was so important?”

How ’bout help around the house, howsabout fill the dog’s water once in awhile, howsabout pickin’ up her shit, howsabout turning off the damn bathroom light at 3 in the morning when she knows it wakes you up, howsabo?

“Dude! She DOES do all that shit like I asked, you’re just?”

HOWSabout closing the fucking shower curtain after she gets out so that it doesn’t get all stiff and crimped in the corner and come all off the fucking rod when you try to close it in the morning! How many fucking times have you asked her to do that shit and you still fight with those fucking shower curtain hooks every fucking morning!!

“Hmm. Yeah, that did kind of piss me off.”

(pant pant) It DID piss you off, face it!

“Yeah, but still, that’s some pretty minor shit. I mean, seriously, how petty are you going to be?”

All that shit stacks up, you nimrod! It’s all one big fucking metaphor for your whole relationship! I’ve barely scratched the surface! You want I should start in on the drugs, or the?

“HOLD IT. Hold it right there. I’m over that shit, and you can’t bring it back.”

HA! Over? Did you say over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!?

“You’re not funny. I’m serious. I told her I forgive her and I do? Whoa!” (dodges beer bottle thrown at head)

You Fuckin’ Pussy!

“Dude, you came, you had your say, now get the fuck out.”

What about MarriedGirl? What you got to say about that, sissybitch?

“You can’t even go there and you know it. She did nothing wrong.”

What’s the big fucking idea being Married already, huh? Where’s she get off leaving you hanging and staying with her husband, HUH?!?

“You’re just being a complete jerkoff now, and I think it’s time that you leave.”

FUCK YOU.

(dodge punch aimed at head) “Good comeback, genius, now get out.”

Fuck that, and fuck you too. You’re gonna get hosed in this breakup if you don’t start listening to me, and get what’s coming to you.

“You’re drunk.”


Anger is a real fuckhead, and the others do whatever they can to avoid him. Elation runs like a frightened rabbit with the rest of them, and only Guilt really makes an attempt at sticking around. But, after Anger starts throwing things, and pissing in the flowerpots, Guilt bolts too.

Anger stuck around longer than I wanted. It wasn’t so bad after a while, because I learned to ignore him and his petty shit. It’s just the cleanup that’s killing me. I keep finding his cigarette butts in the lights of the fishtank, his beer bottles in my laundry hamper, and I haven’t checked for sure, but I think he might’ve given me an Upper Decker too.

Anger eventually left, but he invited some of his miscreant buddies over, and they stayed for a couple weeks and longer. Depression is coming and going right now, but Anger brought his friends DrinkEveryDropOfAlcohol and NeverEatOrLoveAgain. Those assholes made it a rough week. Even if they don’t say much, just having them around really sucks the life out of you.