What?s with ME today? What?s with today today?

Ed: Attempted to post last night, but techinical difficulties in the form of a bottle of Madfish Wine prevented me from doing so.

A not infrequent occurrence in our household is to have a waking-up-way-too-goddam-early child unlatch our bedroom door and poke his little head in with a ?HiGoodMorning!? before gently clambering across Wife?s swollen belly and eventually my chest and/or junk.

This morning I was simply too close to recapturing that ever-elusive Last Bit O? Sleep before the alarm went off and just wasn?t in the mood for a cuddly, yet sharply elbowed, child to land on me. Door opened and boy made his way quietly in while I growled at him with a ?wazzdazzhimmin…? saw him say something to Wife and then scitter out the door.

?SherzamfegDERR!? I started to shout at the quickly vanishing curly brown head when Wife rammed her butt back into my mid-section while ordering me to ?shut up!? with a harsh whisper. ?BudeezsherzamfegDERR!? I argued, to which she answered once again with ?shut! up!?

My dismay and growliness apparently meant nothing to Wife. I wondered how she could be so insensitive, letting Buddy run rampantly in and out of our bedroom and waking me up on my… own… special… day?

This question was answered by Buddy stumbling back into our bedroom, labouring under the strain of a large, newspaper-wrapped, toolbox-looking item, and announcing loudly and happily (despite my grumpiness), ?Happy Birthday Daddy!?

My feelings of jackassedness lasted only as long as it took Pie to come bouncing into our bedroom and for the both of them to start helping me unwrap my spoils.

Grogginess gave way to raw excitedness for the simple and pristine beauty that lies within a tool as versatile, usable, and fuckincool as the Dremel…
only Cordless.

Wife treated ME to coffee in bed and children treated me to lack of pointy elbows in my crotch whilst playing on our bed, and a good time was had by all. Kids ate cereal that Buddy proudly prepared himself and Wife and I played TickleButt in the shower in preparation for our appointment with the TV Lady.

I?ve done some cool shit in my life. I?ve been a part of an assload of very noteworthy things. Too many to list, all I can be somewhat proud of, but nothing, NOTHING, can top this:

I think I'm real people and can kick my way outta here.

I helped make this.

TV Lady showed us this too:

Jackie Chan-ning mum in the bladder didn't work, so I will Evil Glare you from within

If you look closely…

at just the right angle…

and squint your eyes just right…

you can see that it?s a baby.

Wife informed bro-in-law D?d that he was about to be treated to yet another niece with this:

You'll see by this graph, that next year's profits show a decided LACK of doodle

Yep, gonna have me a little girl.

?Course, we?re only figuring on this because Mother-in-law CrazyCatLady pyschicicked it, both children tipped it that direction (though Buddy ?weewwy weewwy wanted a widdle bruvver?), Wife and Batgirl Visioned it, and because the TV Lady said so. Actually, TV Lady?s boss took over the TV show just long enough to tell us that baby is awesomely rockin? though she showed barely the slightest interest in the sex of the child-to-be.

I was a bit perturbed, but still too face-splittingly grinning to say something like, ?Can ya run that thing over the little squirt?s crotch some more? I don?t reckon I saw either junk or bits.?

I DID suggest that we shouldn?t fret too much over what we may or may not be seeing, as I proudly announced that any potential son of mine would leave absolutely ZERO doubt that he was a-swingin?. Wife gave me that all-too-familiar smile that suggests she?s overwhelmingly in love with me while thinking I?m a Great Big DoofusHead Tardigan at the same time and this may actually make her more in love with me.

We made a brief stop at home for some food before going back to pick up the pics from TV Lady, and Wife paused long enough to call CrazyCatLady in order to preempt the gloating.

CCL was not at her best. Auntie L has finally succumbed to the Big C we were told.

Mere days after we were made aware that it was SERIOUS and she is gone. Just like that.

I liked her. She wasn?t family in the technicalities of blood, but neither am I, and the two of us were always treated as if we were and more.

I?ll miss her.

There were some hugs. Lots of them. In a quiet and somewhat cold kitchen on my birthday, there were quiet hugs for a wonderful woman.

We grabbed TV Lady?s pictures and then our other little ones from CCL?s. I can?t help it sometimes, and something about my nature means that I have to hug those that are grieving. I?m not sure why, maybe it?s my own need to feel comforted by comforting, maybe it?s because I?m compassionate and noble, maybe I?m secretly a pervert and enjoy rubbing myself on others.

CCL grips me tightly before pushing me away and a little too loudly proclaiming through a choked voice and wet eyes, ?I?m holding it together!?

?Yep. Sure you are,? I thought to myself as I brought the room to the tantamount of distraction (another part of my nature) with the announcement to the kids of their future siblings gender.

Their reactions could not have been more different.

I mentioned before that Buddy was very much wanting a little brother but somehow Knew that it was a girl, but I wasn?t prepared for how hard he was going to take the news. Pie couldn?t have been more elated and, no shit, I haven?t seen a reaction like that from the new Tea Set, Just Like Me Baby, Christmas Bike, and Pillbug the Puppy combined.

She ran around in circles shrieking in excitement, he gently cuddled into my shoulder and sulked for a bit. He saw some of the pictures and is now convinced that he?s just cemented his place in history as the Ruler of the Yard Apes in our household. He?s over it I reckon.

I look back on today, a significant day for me, and choose now to reflect.

Par-for-course around here, NOW is when my newest daughter chooses to start her Baby-Fu Fighting in Wife?s belly again.

I felt it. I just felt that. And I helped make her.

Surreal. Simply surreal.

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