Birthday Cards

Jade’s going through a phase lately where she makes cards.  At some point somebody, probably me, taught her how to fold a bit of paper in half and then make a “little book” out of it.  We encouraged her to make one or two here and there for Christmas and cousins birthdays, and now she does them all the time.

Every day.  Several times a day.  Seriously.

Like someone turning on a light, her reading suddenly became ‘actual’ reading instead of ‘I figured out what they were doing in the picture and guessed really well’ reading.  About that same time her cards started taking on a real creative quality to them.  Her drawings got such incredible detail that now the fairies have love-heart-shaped hair clips and are clearly winking with one eye (and possible have false lashes on, but I didn’t press the point).

As with most things Jade, it evolved, and did so in way that was completely unexpected, and magical and wonderful and aboslutely f*cking hilarious.

There is a stack of cards near me, too many to put up here, but I thought I’d start this off with her latest and get back on this blogging pony.

The Front Page


The curly-script writing is something her mum taught her, in one of those throw-away-5-second, here this is neat, sessions. As she does, she now does it to EVERYthing. The top apparently reads, “I Made This”.

It really says, “Imad-tres” but if you’re writing to fairies, they’ll understand it. So will meth addicts.

Underneath that is Flying Mummy the Fairy. On her dress is a light, a counter, a candle with some fire and the little blue square thing is her wand that has a lovely spell-helper spirit that lives inside it.

I love that the rest of us have to remain ground-bound while mum flies around in a magically-awesome dress. She’s winking too, as if to say, “Be good to me sugah, or I’ll fix yo’ ass with my little smiling wand of bitchslap.”

Underneath that, is her sister who is so happy to see her cake that she’s screaming. On the bottom right is me, in the kitchen (where I spend a lot of time) with a pan on the stove that has heat coming up. I have my arms in the air and my real-man armpit smell is coming up into my face. I am also screaming “Happy Birthday!” and “Awgawd” about my arms.

I also love that Georgia’s party hat also looks like some sort of alien that’s cheerily glooped its way onto her head to suck out her Life Force. Once again, mummy flies as a Fairy Queen while Daddy slaves in the kitchen. WTFMATE. I was smelling my own armpits only yesterday and telling her that I smell like a man, so I’m pleased that made it in.

The cake… check out the flames on the cake. Jade is FIVE and she drew different coloured/types of candles with the flames in two colours (as you do). Amazing. The picture on the cake is of a cloud with a little white spotty teddy that lives on top of the cloud. The dots underneath the cake are sparkles that spilled off while I was magicking the cake.

The cake is brilliant and amazing and nobody showed her how to do that with the candle flame, she just did it. I’ve never seen a spotty teddy that lives in the clouds, but I don’t smoke as much crack as she does. I’m really impressed that it made it onto the cake though. Smoke away child.

The Inside


The left page has simple little cake, decorated with love, and lots of glittery sparkles going up in the air because the candle is magic.

I had to double check that they were magic sparkles (as in fireworks) because I thought they might be spankings.  I’m going to suggest that for the next card.

The right page has some really interesting stuff on it, because that’s George looking at an array of gifts, all unwrapped. There’s a red ‘Sitting Seat’ above her and the green sitting seat below is decorated like a present, but isn’t really. All of the presents at the bottom of the page are the same ones that were above, but are wrapped now.

I love how Victorian it all becomes at this point.  Like we need designated areas where we just sit.  “Oh not there, that’s not a sitting chair!  That’s a present chair!”

The presents are: a dress, a little round-pantsed costume, hair lackies, a Jack-in-the-box, a picture frame, a Magic Box and another Sitting Seat.

How excellent that they’re all lined up and not wrapped, then they are?  Dresses costumes, hair things, a random-and-unconnected-toy, and seats with only one designated purpose.  Does this kid know her sister or what?


As awesome as the front and middle are, the back really brings it home.

The top has a butterfly wedding. One butterfly at the top is shouting at the other, because he’s mean. The ones getting married are Lilly and Trilly.

You can probably guess what side of the Marriage Equality debate we fall when a couple of butterfly gals have hooked up and are getting hitched.  NO idea why one of the wedding guests is shouting at another one, but is it really that odd?  Nay.

Below them is a butterfly doing a giant fart “BLAP!” and the one above her is shouting “AAAAAH!” because it smells so bad. That’s Jade sitting in the middle of it all, just enjoying the garden and hoping the butterfly doesn’t blap so hard she poos.

Butterflies farting.  I can’t say much more than that.  Seriously.  Say it out loud.  “Happy Birthday!  Here’s some butterflies farting!”  WIN.

It probably doesn’t get better than that folks, I really don’t think it does.