Yep, so, new to this diary bit, I’m simply going to share a fairly simple thought. More like a rant, I suppose. The phrase “curiosity slowing” has me a bit baffled. I spent 25 fucking minutes yesterday on I-70 going approximately 458 feet. This is a rough estimate, but, I believe pretty accurate as I had the time to think about it. So, as I entered the ramp to ensuing doom, I heard the perky traffic reporter chime in “70 is closed at 6th causing backups and curiosity slowing on the Westbound lanes.”
I’m a bit pissed as this means I’m going to be late for my hockey game, but, I was going to be early anyway and I refuse to let myself get distracted (you know, mental preparation and all that shit).
Oh, so I start thinking about this phrase “curiosity slowing” and thinking about what it means. It basically means that your life is so fucking pathetic that you actually pause, nay… slow down, BRAKE, in order to see just what it is going on, on the other fucking side of the Interstate. It was construction, by the way, I’m assuming this anyway as this was a scheduled closure.
So I’m trying my best to think about this calmly and rationally without being a complete cynical asshole. I must be really fucking bad at that because I’m still stuck with the recurring thought of “What the ever-lovin fuck is wrong with you rubber-necking mongoloid shitwads that you have to step on your fucking brake in order to see the (possible) carnage on the other side of the fucking road?”
Yeah, so that’s still the only thought I could come up with, even after I tried not to think like a cynical asshole.
Alright, so I got me a new one. How about reasons such as:
Flashing lights mesmerize me.
I thought it might be someone I know (so you could point and laugh, I’m assuming as there’s not much more you can do from across an interstate).
There was nothing but Salsa on the radio.
I’m a drooling moron.
Most of my traffic questions are all basically answered the same way. People are fucking stupid. This may sound pretty bad as some probably thinks that I mean people are fucking stupid… except me.
Not true. Not that I consider myself stupid, but, as far as meaningless traffic shit goes (cutting someone off, veering into another lane, snoozing through a green light, etc.) I figure, at one point or another, we’re all the asshole. It’s like the rainforests, the Ozone, or baby seals, I figure. At some point, like it or not, on purpose or not, we’re all the asshole to someone else.
Guess the trick is to say “Joke ’em if they can’t take a fuck”. Sorry, I’m part redneck, it’s hard to shake.