I never really expected anyone to understand.
Not to say that folks haven’t told me that they do, but I am fully aware that the general feel is that they don’t, and I can hardly blame ’em.
The important thing, to me at least, is that I understand and WifeToBe understands.
There are very few things in the Universe that ever really work out like this, please don’t think that we are not acutely aware of this. Sometimes though, sometimes you find someone that you see that ultimate potential in, and everything else just gently and subtly pushes you together. Sometimes, it works like that.
This is one of those times.
Before we’d met in person, things had moved along as one might expect, with tentativeness, cautiousness, massive disbelief, deep and soulful yearning, and lots of pulling away from something that seemed too good to be true.
Sometimes, it’s asking a fucking ton to have faith in something that seems like everything you’ve ever wanted. It’s all too easy to think that things like this just don’t happen, for even if you’d ever even heard of it happening, which we hadn’t, it seemed like it just wouldn’t happen to us.
But it did.
Someday I may actually attempt to document the falling stars, the magic 8-balls, the surreal visions/dreams, the X-filesy psychic wackiness, or even all of the amazing similarities. Not today though, there’s simply too much.
Suffice to say, I met Me. For the first time, I truly got to know someone else who is so much like me that I was forced to see myself through their eyes and she did exactly the same.
We sort of held out though, for that first meeting, for that chance to really KNOW if all the signs-and-omens bullshit was just that… bullshit.
Not only was it NOT, but it kept happening, and happening.
It takes more than the fact that our hands and feet are identical, other than a half-inch extension of one of her lines, or that we both love/hate the same foods/music/movies. Being with someone in person, you learn a lot about their feel and you learn to trust Gut without constantly checking to see if he’s whispering anything. He almost always is, so when he’s quiet, when everybody’s quiet because they’re so goddam happy and complete, you tend to trust that.
It takes more than a strong, mutual, emotional/lusting attraction, and it takes more than pheromones and/or a perfect physical “fit.”
It takes more than all of that, I’ll admit. But… none of that stuff hurts.
It wasn’t the easiest week, as far as situations and their stresses go, but neither of us ever felt anything other than complete contentment and wholeness with the other. Again, words can never do it justice, they simply can’t.
When something is Right, you just KNOW. Cliche? Maybe, but none the less true, I know this.
So, that Friday morning we sat on the bed, eating cold pizza from the night before and talking about our feelings on “marriage” and “forever” and all the trappings. We both agreed that, when you’ve wanted something for your entire life and have always known EXACTLY what that was, despite how it gets refined over the years or how impossible it ever seemed to be attainable, when you truly see it, you know it.
We knew it.
We tested it too, and it kept passing by far exceeding any expectations. So we told each other that we’d be alright with getting married “someday,” since we already knew that eternity wasn’t anything that we could ponder without the other in it.
“Someday” turned into that particular day.
It wasn’t drastic or flaky. Not sudden or impulsive. It wasn’t even to get me into the country… until we’d already done it and looked at all the visa options.
It was just Right.
We regret nothing. Except possibly not fully believing sooner, but Life offers a fuckload of lessons and they are never easy nor fun, and they must be learned if we are to truly move forward.
So no shit. I’m selling everything I own and moving to Australia. I’ve got a shit ton of paperwork to put together for a visa and a handsome wad of cash that needs to accompany it. I’ve got a house that needs sold and all of my worldly possessions have to go too including, sadly, Asshead… and my comic books. I’m not going to elaborate on which of those two takes precedence because I’ll be sure to catch hell from the animally folks, but seriously, you guys have no idea what a true Asshead she is…
Keep a lookout in here for the Fire Sale at Casa De Hole, Everything Must Go! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
I’ve been somewhat remiss in my introduction of WifeToBe to all of my friends and family, mostly because she’s so freakin’ far away, but also because I’ve been told that I should at least have pictures so that the AlphaFemmes in my life can size her up accordingly.
I’ve heaved many a heavy sigh when trying to tell people about her and why we are meant to be together.
I’ve pondered linking to her diary, though it’s become apparent that some have already found it, but I didn’t want to feel like either of us needs to explain anything. She’s there, on the left, if you wish to read. I make no blogger’s disclaimer for I figure if you need to hear that shit then you’re too fucked to ever really be reached.
I could never really hope to capture how much I love her in a goddam diary anyway.
The best I can truly come up with is: I’m happy, for the first time in my entire life, I am truly happy. And Content, and Real, and Whole, and Complete, and… I could go on and on. And she is the same.
Trust me. Just… trust me. Trust Us.
WifeToBe seemed to absolutely detest having her picture taken, so I had to sneak shots unbeknownst to her. I caught her in a moment, and a pose, that at first seemed oddly familiar to me until I realized that I have those same moments and stand the exact same way. This happens to us so often that it’s hard to believe that she’s a complete other entity and not just some sort of FemaleJuddDoppleganger.
I honestly make a conscious effort to keep the mad amounts of schmoopieness out of this diary, unless absolutely warranted, but this picture so completely captures something utterly indescribable that it’s one of my favorites.
Plus, it was a minor battle to simply be able to post ANY pictures of her, so my reward is showing her off to the masses.
I’ll forego the cue for the violins, but she IS the most beautiful woman I’ve ever even imagined, and she is all mine. I’m struggling mightily with the urge to spew forth adjectives such as: intelligent, charming, funny, SexyAsAllGetOut, and AbsoFuckinLutely Wonderful, but maybe that’s just me being completely in love. I must really make some of you sick. Sorry ’bout that.
Naw, Fuck That, I ain’t sorry. Yer just jealous, I know this. I would be.
Like I said, I never really expected anyone to understand all of this, and I don’t simply want you to be happy for us, though I fully appreciate all of your wonderful comments and emails.
I could only wish for anyone to experience this for themselves.
Nothing has ever been more Right.