A little about me… I’m terrified of thunderstorms.

UPDATE (1/21/05)

Been awhile since I posted this fucker. Things have changed.

Short-like, me and The (ex)Girl broke up, Dingbat (speckled retard below) went to live with her, still got my job at the bestest fucking company ever, and am selling that great house (below as well).


It?s been raining/drizzling/pissing for 3 straight days now, the Girl is out, and I?m home getting quite drunk.

I know what you?re thinking, and you?re right. You?d like me to tell you a little about myself.

Like to hear it, here it goes?

I?m from a beautiful valley in a small town in Montana, where I grew up fishing on pristine rivers, getting in trouble (usually involving alcohol, vehicular tricks and/or nudity), and working on various ranches doing work that inspired me to get an education (so I never have to fucking do it again).

My old house is the tiny mint-green speck on the left valley wall. The Girl?s house is on the other side.

I left Montana for college at Texas A&M because it was as far away from TinyTown as I could get. After 4 years, they politely asked me to raise my grades or leave. I realized that the only friends I had were the guys I was playing club hockey with, so I left to finish school here in Denver. It seemed like a good place to be if you love mountains, but want a job where you don’t have to love cows or tourists.

I pulled into town with a beat-up ?88 Ford Ranger, $137 in my pocket, my hockey equipment, some clothes, my brown puppy (see below), and 2 years left of school. 7 years later, I have a job I love that pays decent, own a house with the Girl, whom I also love only slightly less than I love the job (I?m kidding, honey), play ice and roller hockey 2 nights a week, have real food in the pantry (no more fucking Ramen) and I drink good beer (even if it does mean that extra 15 pounds). Plus, the Girl has a rock on her finger that could?ve got me another set of hockey equipment or an old beat-up ?68 Mustang that I?ve had my eye on. Not too shabby.

Me and the Girl live in this wondrous abode?

We live there with our two idiots, Mazzy (Asshead, on left) and Carhartt (Dingbat, on right).

We live in Denver, an hour or so from Greeley, where the Girl?s brother, my lifelong friend, Shithead lives with his wife and 3 boys?

I put the kids on here mostly because everybody loves kids and they think Uncle JuddHole hung the frickin? moon. We have the best time together because I tend to think like they do and because I treat them like they?re buds of mine, which they are. Probably the same reasons animals like me as well. I also carry Beef Jerky in my pockets at all times.

Me and the Girl up in a Colorado mountain town. Damn, we?re sexy. Okay, she?s sexy and I?m a fuckjob.

Me and the Girl on the Santa Monica pier, a vacation that her Mom (Caveman?s wife) hooked us up with. She?s beyond awesome, and I?m a lucky bastard to someday have her for a Mother-in-law.

Here?s us all dressed up nice and looking swanky. Very, very sexy. Grrrrr…

It occurs to me looking at these that I don?t know that I?ve ever been in a picture where I?m not fucking around. I see a camera and turn into a puberty-bound 6th grader. Christ, I?m a retard. The Girl looks all beautiful and sexy and I look like I?m a drunken frat-nugshit.

I work at a Company that does online ratings of healthcare providers as a web developer. I?m a web monkey, but because of the nature of my company I can pretend that I?m having a noble profession.

HOLY CHRIST, the rain brought thunder and lightning. I told you animals like me because we think alike? Well, we?re both fucking terrified of THUNDER and LIGHTNING. We?re going under the bed now?

?7 minutes later?

That?s better. SHIT, that was close. I swear that electro-zappy shit is zeroing in on my bedroom as we speak. FUCK, I hate storms.

It?s nice having a wireless laptop, so I can type this while I?m cowering? uh? PROTECTING the brown dog under the bed. The Dingbat is probably outside barking at, and chasing, the lightning. She?s mildly retarded, but we love her, just like we would if she weren?t a complete short-bus-kid.

Fuck, I?m drunk now, and, when the storm passes, I?m getting on top of the bed instead of under it.

Fuck it, maybe I?ll just sleep here. Asshead is already asleep, I think. Bitch.