I finally figured out how to check my stats for folks who’ve been reading my diary. Yes, I know who you are and I know where you?re coming from.
I know what you’ve been searching on too? freaks.
These are the Googlings that I?ve found so far, I?ll add more to this list later.
Freaky people searched for pissing stuff and got these…
how to pee in public restrooms
These they got probably searching for insults…
Flat-out lookin’ for some nudity…
naked pictures of my best friend (U.K. Google)
naked mormon pictures (only a fucking mormon would search for nudity pics, but only of other mormons. I apologize if you are mormon and I’ve offended you. Wait, no I don’t.)
naked OR s1ut OR porn “pictures of me”
Some… *ahem* Different porn… I guess…
para1yzed gir1 fuck (seriously?)
sewing pussy (Italian Google)
will my dog 1ick peanut butter off my pussy?
virginity loss sex story pain hurts (Arabic or some shit Google)
dog licking peanut butter pussy (Canadian Google)
cocaine penis site:diaryland.com
Obviously, fellas that had the same idea as me with the whole vending-machine engagement ring…
Kilt fans… DAMN SEXEEEHHH…
These are just funny, I mean WHO searches for this shit?…
These are pretty tame, but they still came here looking for anything but what they got… HA!
very sexy clothed (German Google)
texas sucks (I actually get about 3 of these a day. Obviously, I’m not the only one who thinks so)
play it straight jackie “play it straight” (German Google)
satchel diaryland (obviously a Get Fuzzy fan)
getting neighbor’s dog to stop shitting shitting
Looking for none other than yours truly…
There is also some Astrofish Guy who doesn’t know how he found me but has been sending me quite a bit of traffic by linking the “Virgo” section of his horoscope page to this entry.
Must’ve been written in the stars…
What-in-the-name-of-Frank are these people fucking searching for when they enter some of that shit into Google?
Alright, obviously, you know me if you?re searching for “juddhole” as there ain?t no way that you just happened to type that in without looking specifically for me.
That?s right, there?s only one JuddHole, baby. Thank Dog.
So, if you know who I am, how the fuck did you get here? Drop me a comment or email me and tell me why you?re so interested in what I do in the shitter at work.
I see some that are from my.yahoo.com and I figure it?s one of those customizable home pages where you have your own links like “hick hockey players in skirts” and “monkeys in spandex flinging fishheads.”
Since I?ve found out how wildly popular I am (HAi), I?ve become consumed with my hits, people listing me as a favorite, and referring pages.
And by “consumed,” I mean, “look at stats when I don?t have clown porn sites open.”
Seriously, it?s nice to feel loved. Not “loved” like when I get home, get my shoes off and one of my gotard dogs starts licking my stank feet, but “loved” like you want to take your clothes off, slather yourself in Cherry Garcia ice cream and have me lick it off.
Not if you?re a dude though, I mean, I?m not gay.
It?d have to be Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. Cherry is for fags.